Wil Wheaton's Beard & The Theory Of Interconnectedness

One very unimpressed pussy...

Recently, I was watching a movie called "I Heart Huckabees", a film which simultaneously accomplished two things. 

Number one: it confused the hell out of my cat.

And number two: It got me thinking about Wil Wheaton's beard.

Stick with me for a second. See, the movie’s (partially) a philosophical debate about the interconnectedness of everything (or not, depending on which character is talking at the time.)  Perhaps it’d be easier to explain if I quoted the movie...

Bernard Jaffe: Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay? This is me, this is you, and over here, this is the Eiffel Tower, right, it's Paris! 

And later, in another scene inexplicably missing from 

Google Images:

Bernard Jaffe: If you look close enough you can't tell where my nose ends and space begins.

So if everything’s connected, and everything’s a part of everything else, what is the difference between Wil Wheaton’s beard and mine?

OK, obviously his is in better condition than mine. It looks like it works out, while the leftover bits of food in mine basically tell their own tale. But if everything is, as Bernard Jaffe (Dustin Hoffman) claims, connected, how do I know for sure that anything is actually separate? Is it possible that Wheaton’s beard is just a mental projection of my own beard’s idealised version of itself? Is it one of those Hindu-god-like “aspects” of itself? Am I, in fact, Wil 

Wheaton? Or am I a guy who thinks he’s Wil Wheaton but isn’t?

The first rule of beard club is "You do not talk about beard club"

What truly makes our beards different? And why is his attached to a guy whose blog gets literally thousands of times more views than mine? On the surface of it, we’re not that different. We’re both white guys. We both ...have beards... Ok, so maybe we’re quite different. Oh, another one: he sometimes blogs about comics, I’m a stand up comic who sometimes blogs. That may be a very tenuous connection, but some of the world’s best conspiracy theories have been built on less...

Know what? Nevermind. I seem to have overstretched my premise already.